Talk is Anything but Cheap
by Literature Is Life
Summary: “Gorgonzola is kind of funny.” “Rise and shine, Morning Glory.” “Ehh. Healthy is overrated.” “Well, now we get to make up for lost time, huh?” A collection of all-dialogue oneshots. Chad/Taylor, Troy/Gabriella, Sharpay centric
1. Gorgonzola

Author's Note: Surprise, surprise; I'm not dead. Just taking a break. This idea came to me while I was sitting at my computer, desperately trying to avoid writing my Sparta speech. Originally, it was planned as a Troy/Gabriella dialog. But as I progressed further and further into the piece, I realized that it worked better with a Chad/Taylor pairing. I realize that this is completely different from what I normally write, and so I'm assuming that it will also be amazingly horrible. I do not think I will be doing a continuation of All Was Lost, just because I am rather uninspired. I may, however, return to the idea again later; so if you're waiting, keep you fingers crossed that my inspiration to journey back into Sharpay's head returns.

Disclaimer: I don't own High School Musical - I do believe we've been over this before... If I did, the entire movie would have consisted of Troy and Chad walking around with no shirts on, and we wouldn't have had to wait almost two years for that fateful Troy/Gabriella kiss.

* * *

Gorgonzola

"Well, that was a complete disaster."

"It wasn't that bad."

"You must be joking. That was horrible."

"It wasn't _horrible_."

"_Yes_, it was."

"God,_no it wasn't_."

"Oh, please, that couldn't have gone worse."

"Fine; it sucked. Let's not do this again."

"Wha-?"

"Isn't that what you want to hear? Well, isn't it?"

"No…"

"Well then what do you want me to say?"

"I don't know."

"Whoa; Taylor doesn't know something. The apocalypse is upon us!"

"Shut up. That isn't funny."

"I thought it was funny. Let's call Troy and Gabriella; they'll think it's funny. And I bet Jason would think it's funny too."

"Jason thinks that cheese was funny."

"Hey, you can't deny that Gorgonzola is funny."

"It's not; it's cheese."

"That doesn't mean it can't be funny. Plenty of things are funny that aren't alive. Like cartoons; they're funny. But they're not real or alive."

"That's different; they're drawn and animated to say and do funny things. Cheese is just cheese."

"We never agree on anything."

"That is _not_true."

"See? We just disagreed again."

"That doesn't count."

"Here we go again."

"Shut up, alright?"

"Don't tell me to shut up. You shut up."

"… Stop the car."

"What now?"

"Stop the car."

"What?"

"Thank you."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm walking home."

"Taylor, you've got to be kidding."

"I'll see you on Monday."

"Get back in the car."

"No."

"Then I'm leaving."

"Fine. I'm perfectly capable of escorting myself home. I'm not a weakling."

"Do you really think I think you're stupid? Because I don't. It would be stupid of me to think that you're stupid. But it would also be stupid of you to think that I think that you're stupid."

"Chad, if I get back in the car, will you stop talking?"

"Maybe."

"Beep. Wrong answer."

"It is highly likely?"

"Why was that a question?"

"Get in the car, please?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. You're still babbling."

"Taylor…"

"I'm not getting in the car until you stop talking. So just drive away."

"I can't leave you out here all alone. You could get kidnapped and raped and murdered."

"I have mace."

"You brought mace on our _date_?"

"I didn't know how it was going to turn out. Obviously, bringing the mace was a wise decision, because I'm walking home. And if you don't stop pissing me off, I might use it on you."

"Just get in the car and I'll take you home and you can save your mace for a twisted pervert who _actually_ wants to rape you."

"That is the first thing that you've said all night that makes any sense."

"Thank God. Now, please get back in the car."

"Fine. I won't like it, but I'll get back in the car."

"Alright; this is much better. Now, where do you want to go?"

"Home, Chad. I want to go home."

"That's what I thought."

"Thank you."

"…"

"…"

"Gorgonzola is pretty funny."

"Oh, my God. Stop the car again."

"No; not this time."

"If you so much as mention cheese again, I will throttle you with my bare hands."

"And throttle means…?"

"It means I am going to squeeze your neck until the air no longer gets to your lungs and you _die_."

"Oh. I don't think we'll be talking about cheese anymore."

"Good idea."

"Thank you. Here's your house."

"Oh. Good."

"I guess I'll…"

"You don't have to walk me to the door. My dad would probably throttle you anyway."

"That would be bad."

"For you, yes, because you would die. For my dad, yes, because he would go to prison. For me, maybe, because you wouldn't be here, and this is either good or bad."

"I resent that."

"Oh, Chaddy Waddy used a big wordy."

"That was harsh."

"That doesn't mean that it wasn't true."

"I love how you thrive off insulting me."

"It's one of my many great aspects."

"I think your dad's at the window."

"I think you're right."

"Hey, we agreed again!"

"Yes, Chad, we did."

"Sorry; I thought that would mean something."

"Sure. I'm going to go inside now. And when I do, you can go home. You don't have to sit here all night. So, goodbye."

"Bye, Taylor. Was it really that horrible?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

"So you'll be here tomorrow night at seven thirty?"

"Yup. I'm bringing the movie."

"Alright, but if you make me watch The Ring again, there are going to be some serious issues."

"As long as you don't throttle me."

"Good night, Chad."

* * *

Author's Note: It was definitely not my best work. No where near being close to anything else I've written. But, I suppose, it's hard to compare something like this, something that is all dialog, to something like Let the Rain, only because Let the Rain was almost all paragraphs of narration. So, I'll have to judge my success of how hard I giggled when writing painfully corny jokes. Corny jokes that my friend, and writing adviser, happened to find funny. 

It would be greatly appreciated if you dropped a quick review, even if it consisted of only "Horrible" or "Cute." And anonymous reviews are accepted, so you wouldn't even have to worry about logging in.


	2. Rise and Shine

**Author's Note: **I've decided to continue and make this a small collection of all dialogue oneshots, none of which would be related and would probably contain different pairs. Duplicates of couples would most likely appear, and some couples might not appear at all; I'm not really sure right now. This is just going to be a tool to help me get ride of my writer's block. I probably won't be updating it frequently, but every once in a while I will try to put a new on out there. This oneshot is a much longer Troy/Gabriella oneshot, and it's definitely a little _sultrier_ than the Chad/Taylor one. There are a few lines towards the middle than hint at adult themes. Not _the_ adult theme, but close enough that this one is a strong T rating.

**Disclaimer:**Oh, for the love of Disney, I don't own High School Musical. I barely have enough money in my wallet to buy a school lunch, much less the rights to a major-hit movie and its sequel.

* * *

**Rise and Shine**

"Rise and shine, my Morning Glory!"

"…Huh?"

"I said; rise and shine, Morning Glory."

"Oh, my God! Go away!"

"Princess, it's time to rise and shine!"

"Wildcat, I will shave you bald if you don't evaporate in the next few moments."

"Princess, is that any way to treat your beloved knight in shining armor?"

"I mean it…totally and completely bald…"

"Princess… Oh, come on Gabriella; it's twelve o'clock already!"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Then you should be coming back in about three hours. Buh-bye now."

"No, come on, Princess."

"If I'm a princess, which I am, then you're that ugly toad I have to kiss."

"Pucker up, sweetheart."

"…"

"…"

"_Mmm_…"

"…"

"_Alright_, that's _enough_, Wildcat. We _are_ still in my room, as in, within hearing distance of my mother."

"Who cares? Close your eyes and pretend we're somewhere else."

"Like where?"

"Like…my truck."

"Excuse me?"

"What's wrong with my truck?"

"You expect me to fool around with you in your _truck;_ that old, rusty, smelly, completely unromantic, thing?"

"It is _not _smelly. Old and rusty it may be, but _never_ call Rhonda smelly."

"Rhonda? Who the hell is Rhonda?"

"Good, you're awake."

"Don't change the subject! Who the hell is Rhonda?"

"Rhonda? She's my truck."

"Wildcat-say-what-now?"

"That sounds funny coming from you. I would expect it from Taylor."

"Wildcat… I'm warning you…"

"What? I named my car; a lot of guys do it."

"Are you serious? You named your car _Rhonda_?"

"Yes, now can we move on?"

"Uh… Let me think… No."

"Prin_cess_, what's wrong?"

"You named your car Rhonda. How would you feel if I named my car, when I get one, Leonardo or Orlando?"

"I probably wouldn't like it. But you're a bigger person than I am, so you should let this go and trust that I would never, ever, pick Rhonda over Gabriella."

"That was a nice save, Wildcat; a _really _nice save."

"I'm getting better, wouldn't you say?"

"I suppose you are. Now leave me alone and let me get back to sleep."

"Gabriella!"

"Alright, alright; I'm _getting__ up_."

"Thank you very much."

"… Can you leave now? I need to get dressed."

"Can't I just promise not to look?"

"If you peek…"

"I won't, I swear."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…_Wildcat_!"

"Sorry, sorry; that was my bad."

"Damn right; _your bad_."

"I said I was sorry! Stop yelling and cursing; your mom is going to think that something's wrong."

"Something_ is_ wrong! You peeked, Bolton, you peeked!"

"I'm_ sorry_. I didn't mean to. It just happened. When your girlfriend is stripping in the same vicinity as you, things just _happen_ sometimes."

"I cannot believe you…"

"Brie… I'm really sorry…"

"You… Peeked…"

"You still had all your clothes on!"

"And you still broke your promise!"

"I'm _sorry_."

"You had better make this up to me."

"How about–"

"If you even mention _anything_ about doing _something _while we're driving around in _Rhonda_, I swear…"

"I was going to say that you could drive Rhonda for a little while, but I guess since you have an odd vendetta against her, that's not such a good idea."

"You'd really let me drive your car?"

"You have your license, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Then as long as you don't almost crash her again, Rhonda's keys are yours for the day."

"That really was an accident."

"I know. Anyone could get distracted by a hot guy in a convertible, right?"

"He was hot, Troy. You didn't see him."

"Gabriella, honestly, even if I had seen him, I wouldn't have nearly driven myself and my girlfriend into a gully because I was '_distance-flirting'_ with him. Newsflash; I'm not gay."

"Hey, that's a real phrase! Sharpay said so!"

"You believe Sharpay over me? And who cares if it's real of not? I'm your boyfriend; you shouldn't need to be '_distance-flirting'_ with guys in convertibles."

"It's not like you never flirt with girls when I'm not around."

"I don't. I believe in fidelity."

"You are such a liar, Troy Bolton. I've seen you flirt with them before."

"I'm not flirting with them, Princess; I'm trying to ward off their flirting because I know that it bothers you."

"Psht… Liar."

"Can we not fight? Would that be okay?"

"Do I still get to drive your car?"

"That depends…"

"It depends on what?"

"Are we going to pull of on the side of the road, in a secluded area, and have a little…_alone_ time?"

"Wildcat…"

"…"

"…maybe."

"You are the best girlfriend _ever_."

"You are the most sexually driven boyfriend _ever_."

"Would you like me to transform my personality completely?"

"Well, it would be nice if every word out of your mouth wasn't about how you're going to pop the buttons of my shirt open."

"That's a lie; I am not that bad."

"Well…"

"Oh, good God, am I really that bad?"

"It's bad enough to be embarrassing in front of my mother."

"Your mother thinks I'm sexually driven too?"

"She gave me 'the talk' after our third date."

"Crap. That can't be good."

"No; it's really pretty bad."

"Well, that settles it. We're not kissing any more. We're not hugging, and we're not even holding hands."

"I think it's a little late for that."

"It's never too late to change."

"That's stupid, Wildcat. We both know you're not going to change. And what if I enjoy your hugs and kisses?"

"Well, then that sucks for you."

"That's incredibly unfair."

"I know."

"Can we not fight? Would that be okay?"

"I believe you just jacked my line."

"Could you not say that word?"

"Which word?"

"Jacked."

"What's wrong with it?"

"…"

"Oh. Oh, _oh my God!_ Gabriella!"

"I'm sorry! We were talking about you being sexually motivated and it just slipped into my mind!"

"What happened to you? What happened to my sweet, innocent, naïve, girlfriend? Where did she go? Oh, this is so bad. I've totally corrupted you."

"I'm sorry, Wildcat."

"Don't you give me that look, Princess."

"What look?"

"That sexy, innocent look you pull off really well.

"…"

"…That one."

"What's wrong with it?"

"You're trying to _seduce_ me."

"…"

"Did you just _snort _at me?"

"I might have… But it was a total accident."

"I cannot believe this. My girlfriend just snorted at me."

"Please, Troy, you've done so much worse to me."

"Why are you lying so much today?"

"Why are you accusing me of lying so much today?"

"Is there any real answer to that question that doesn't result in bodily harm on my part?"

"I'll let you figure that out."

"You're beautiful."

"Nice try, Wildcat."

"I love you?"

"I love you, too. But that wasn't the answer."

"Gabri_ella_…"

"I was just _kidding_, gosh."

"Let's not go there. I'll go downstairs and talk to your mom about getting some brownies and you get dressed and do whatever it is girls do to themselves in the morning to get rid of their natural beauty."

"We don't get rid of our natural beauty, we just enhance it."

"Oh. Okay. Whatever."

"You lost yourself after brownies, didn't you?"

"A little bit."

"Oh, you're blushing. That's so cute."

"I am _not _blushing. Troy Bolton does not blush."

"Yes you do. You're doing it right now."

"…"

"Oh, you're doing it even more now! That is so _cute_."

"I'm not blushing…"

"Aw, you're embarrassed."

"What was your first clue?"

"When you blushed."

"I'm going to go find your mom now.

"Whoa, hold on. You can go when you admit that you're blushing."

"But I'm not."

"Wildcat, you are _so _blushing."

"Princess, I am _so_, like, _not blushing._"

"You sound like Sharpay."

"Kiss it out of me."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"_Mmm_…"

"Déjà vu; that was total déjà vu!"

"Shut up; I'm not done yet."

"…"

"…"

"I think that's enough, Princess."

"Wildcat, you're starting to get on my nerves."

"You aren't a morning person, are you Morning Glory?"

* * *

**Author's Note: **I don't know where I got the inspiration for this from. It just popped out of nowhere. I had originally planned for _Gorgonzola _to be a Troy/Gabriella oneshot, but it sounded so much better as a Chad/Taylor dialogue. I suppose I felt guilty for taking it away from them; I don't know. All I know is that _Rise and Shine _just happened. Something I really like about this oneshot is Troy and Gabriella's capability to move past those mini-arguments they have but just saying, 'Let's not fight.' It shows how meaningless their disagreements really are and how deep their affection for one another runs; they're not about to blow up at each other because of something that, in the long run, is completely insignificant. 


	3. Healthy is Overrated

**Author's Note: **I don't know what it is about Social Studies (History) that causes me to turn away from the textbook and towards a blank word document. All I know is that every time I have homework in Social Studies, I end up working on another dialogue oneshot. Either way, this oneshot is another Troy/Gabriella. I tried to keep Gabriella more in character in this one. In _Rise and Shine_, she was a bit too sarcastic.

**Disclaimer:**Two words; I wish. Oh, four more; Zac Efron is _fine_.

* * *

**Healthy Is Overrated**

"Oh, did you see that one?"

"What am I supposed to be seeing again?"

"Oh, come on, Wildcat. Look at those stars; they're gorgeous."

"So I'm supposed to be looking at the stars?"

"They're so _gorgeous_."

"Why would I want to stare out into the open nothingness? I could be looking at this beautiful, magnificent girl who's sitting right beside me."

"You are _so_ cheesy."

"Is that a complaint?"

"Not in the least."

"Why do you love it out here so much?"

"We didn't have stars like this in the city. All the light pollution made the sky to bright that you couldn't see the stars. It's just so _pretty_."

"Are you cold?"

"No, that's fine. I'll be alright."

"If you're cold, I have some blankets in the front seat."

"I don't want you to leave. I'm so comfortable."

"Are you sure? Because it really wouldn't be any trouble."

"You're not going to let it go, are you?"

"I just don't want you getting cold, that's all."

"Alright, go get the blankets. But hurry up, okay? I don't want you missing any more of the stars. And I don't being alone out here either. It's kind of scary."

"You're sitting in the back of a truck. And even if I got out, I wouldn't be more than three feet away. How is that scary?"

"Troy, we're in the middle of the desert. There's no civilization around for miles. What if some serial killer comes and decides to murder us? We couldn't run to anyone and get help. We'd just be running across the barren desert, running for our lives, and then we'd trip and he'd catch us and we'd die. I don't want to die, Troy!"

"Whoa, whoa, Brie; calm down, babe. If there's no civilization around for miles, where is this serial killer coming from, exactly?"

"I don't know. Maybe he followed us in his own car. Maybe _you're_ the murderer."

"Did you have too much sugar tonight, or something?"

"Maybe a little."

"Alright; try to work off some of that sugar while I go get the blankets, okay?"

"Okay… Don't be too long."

"I won't."

"Did you bring the green one?"

"Uh… I don't… Oh, wait, yeah; it's right here."

"Good; that one is the softest."

"Here you go."

"Hey! Troy, that landed on my head. You're going to mess up my hair!"

"Since when do _you_ care about all that stuff, huh? You've always been all '_I don't care what other people think about me_.' What's up?"

"I don't care about other people. I just don't want you looking at me and going, '_Oh, good God, I'm about to make out with a troll.'" _

"I would…never…ouch… I would never, ever, call you a troll."

"Are you alright?"

"I nicked my leg on the trunk latch. But it's all good."

"Are you sure? Lemme see it."

"No. Really, I'm fine."

"Troy, seriously, you could get infected with tetanus or something."

"Gabriella, I swear, I'm fine."

"All right, but if you die, it is _not _my fault."

"Don't worry, baby. I wouldn't leave you _ever_."

"Don't you use your pout-sarcasm on me, Troy Bolton. I'm just looking out for you."

"I know, I know. You are a wonderful person, Gabriella Montez."

"Thanks for the sarcastic compliment, Wildcat. I really appreciate it."

"I knew that you would, Princess. Here, wrap the blanket around you before you freeze."

"Why do you call me Princess?"

"Why do you call me Wildcat?"

"You_ are _a Wildcat. I'm not a princess though."

"You're my princess."

"Really?"

"Yup. Princess Gabriella; it has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Mmm… Prince Troy… It makes me think of rabbits. I should start call you my Snuggle Bunny."

"Umm… Where did _that _come from?"

"Troy; like, the Trojan Rabbit? Troy as in the Trojans and Snuggle Bunny as in the rabbit."

"Wait, I thought it was the Trojan _horse._"

"Well, duh, haven't you ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail? It's only the funniest movie _ever made_. And they build a Trojan Rabbit in the movie. So, I made the connection."

"I supposed this is what I get for dating a nerd, huh?"

"Hey! I'm not a nerd! I'm a geek; there's a difference."

"And the difference is…?"

"I don't know. I just like 'geek' better. Nerd sounds too math-affiliated. I'm multitalented."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Okay. And in the meantime, I'll find the DVD and we'll organize a sleepover; I'm going to make sure you watch Monty Python, even if it results in my mother freaking out a little when she discovers that you and I are all cuddled up under a blanket on the floor, spooning and stuff, with our clothes a little rumpled."

"And how _exactly _did our clothes get a little rumpled?"

"Come on, Wildcat. You know how eager teenaged boys can get under certain circumstances."

"So, in your fantasies, I'm a hormonally driven, sex addict?"

"Pretty much."

"Do I know you? What have you done with the really Gabriella? _What have you done with my Snuggle Bunny_?"

"No, Wildcat! You're _my _Snuggle Bunny!"

"I think it would be best for everyone if _no one _was a Snuggle Bunny and everyone is just everyone. Like, you're Princess, and I'm Troy, and Chad's Chad, and Taylor's Taylor, and–"

"I get it, Wildcat."

"I'm just making sure. But seriously, what have you done with my Princess? You're this odd mixture of her and…and…"

"And…"

"I don't know. But you're all sensual all of a sudden. And I really need to be warned about that stuff. Because one minute you're talking about snuggly bunnies, and the next you're telling me about our passionate make-out, which hasn't even happened yet, one which you've _planned out in your head_."

"It's not like you never fantasize."

"Well, yeah, of course I do. But I've never acted all innocent and stuff. You, on the other hand…"

"What? You think I'm some sort of prude?"

"Stop putting words in my mouth, Gabriella Anne."

"Oh, middle name; I'm in trouble now."

"Princess…"

"I should change my name to Prudy the Princess. What do you think?"

"I think you need to stop talking and _listen_."

"…I'm listening."

"You look _beautiful_ tonight."

"I'm wearing jeans."

"They're hot."

"I'm wearing an old sweatshirt."

"It's mine; I love it when you wear my clothes."

"You messed up my hair with that blanket before."

"I like your hair like this; down and free flowing."

"My makeup is probably smudged."

"It's almost pitch-black out here; I can barely see your makeup. And the little than I can see isn't smudged."

"Well, thank you for the compliments."

"They're not compliments; they're facts."

"Give me a hug."

"…You're right; this blanket is soft."

"I love it; it's my favorite. All the blankets in your house are soft. The one's I have are really scratchy."

"So that's why you're always at my house, huh? It's not for me; it's for my blankets."

"Yes. You caught me."

"Well, Montez, I think I might have to ban you from my house."

"That's mean. Oh, look! I think I can see a constellation."

"Leave it to you to turn something as simple as a star into something complicated."

"Stars aren't really simple, Wildcat. They're massive balls of–"

"Stop…stop right there. I don't want to think about what stars are, alright? I want to sit with you tonight and just _relax_."

"Alright, calm down Wildcat. We can just relax if you want."

"You're so compliant."

"Compliant as in the good way or compliant as in a spineless excuse for a human being?"

"…The_ good_ way; definitely the good way."

"How would you define the good way?"

"I would say that you're nice enough to comply with my needs on certain occasions, just as I comply with yours."

"We're good together, right?"

"…"

"You know, like, we match each other well?"

"Wha- I don't get it…"

"Do we fit? As a couple, do we work together? Are we a good couple?"

"I don't want to break up, if that's where this is going…"

"Break up? Why would you even use that word, Troy?"

"Those words."

"Don't correct me when I'm freaking out, Wildcat."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to take your mind off it for a moment. I happen to think we make an awesome couple."

"We're not too perfect, are we?"

"Uh, _no_. We're awesomely perfect."

"Wildcat, what if we're the nauseating couple? That freakishly perfect couple that never fights and is all lovey dovey in the hallways and is always giving Eskimo kisses while their friends are around and is always sending each other retarded little notes and emails and text messages and IMs."

"Alright, I'm going to have to break that one down piece by piece. First of all, we were fighting with each other a minute ago about whether I should get the blanket or not and whether or not you looked beautiful tonight, which you do. Second of all, we are never lovey dovey in the hallway because every time I try to put my arm around you, Ms. Darbus runs over and screams, '_Public displays of affection are not _tolerated_ at East High, Mr. _Bolton!' Third of all, I don't believe that Eskimo kisses are effective, because when I'm that close to your face, I'm not looking to touch part of my face to your _nose_. And finally, our notes and text messages and emails and IMs aren't retarded. They're _awesome_. Besides, Chad and Taylor do all that stuff. It's not like it's just us."

"Each and every point you made just now was totally and completely valid. And so, I must surrender."

"You must _what_?"

"Surrender, as in _to give up_."

"I know that, but I just didn't understand what you would be surrendering."

"My fears and stuff."

"Fear about…?"

"My fears about whether or not we were going to last."

"…"

"I'm sorry."

"You were having doubts about our relationship, and you didn't think that it might be a good idea to talk to me…about _our _relationship? You didn't think that it would be a wise decision to converse with me about your feelings pertaining to our relations?"

"You've been reading."

"And Chad made me watch Law and Order or something the other day because the lady on it was hot. But that's beside the point!"

"You're out of order."

"No,_ you're_ out of order!"

"…"

"Shut up."

"Oh, come on Wildcat; you've got to admit that that was funny."

"…Were you really having doubts?"

"I didn't know what was going on between us. And for all I know, I might not get in to Duke or U of A. And you might not get in to UCLA. And even if we get in everywhere we apply, what if you don't want to go when I do, or if I don't want to go where you do? A lot of stuff could go wrong and we might end up all the way across the country from each other."

"I would _never_ let that happen."

"But what about _us,_Wildcat? You and me and how we feel about each other. We have _never_ talked about that, never ever. And I don't know how you feel; much less know how I feel."

"You don't have to know right now. Princess, you have plenty of time left to figure out how you feel. Nobody is rushing you; there is no pressure."

"No, Troy, there is a _ton_ of pressure. My mom, my teachers, my friends, my family… Every single person I know is talking about how the next few months of my life are going to change everything and I'm _scared_. Because I don't _want_ this to change, Wildcat. I don't want you and me to change."

"Then we don't have to."

"But–"

"No buts about it, Princess. People can tell which college they think you should go to, and which test you should study the most for, and which classes you should take over the summer, and which person _they_ think is right for you but they _cannot tell you what your heart wants. _And they can't tell you to change. And the people you know certainly can't make me go away."

"Mm… That's surprisingly comforting."

"Well, that's good. Can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Promise me that right now, for the next hour, we are only going to think about right now. Not about when we get home, or tomorrow, or what we're going to say next. We are only going to think about the present, right this instant."

"I promise."

"I promise, too."

"Let's watch the stars, Wildcat. I'll show you some constellations."

"Alright, lay it on me."

"Alright…well… Those four stars right…there…they make–"

"I changed my mind. Can we make out a little? Just a little. Hmm?"

"…"

"Come on… Just a little bit…?"

"Only a few minutes. I don't want any mysterious mark appearing tomorrow."

"I'll try to contain my enthusiasm."

"Try hard, okay?"

"Ha ha, funny funny."

"I thought it was."

"No more talking; just kissing."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Oh, Troy… Oh, you _missed _it. There was a shooting star."

"A shooting star? You were watching for stars while we were–"

"No, of course not. I just happened to open my eyes and see it. Oh, I can't believe you missed it."

"Breathtaking…"

"It_ was_… Oh, I wish you'd seen it."

"I wasn't talking about the star."

"What were you talking about?"

"Nothing…"

"What were you talking about, Troy? You know you can tell me anything."

"Nah, it wasn't all that important."

"Come on, Wildcat. I just divulged all my fears and worries. The least you can do in return is to tell me what you find so breathtaking out here other than the stars."

"There is only one breathtaking thing out here in the desert."

"And that would be…?"

"My girlfriend. I said that my girlfriend who I love is breathtaking."

"…Your girlfriend who you _what?"_

"Love."

"Who you love?"

"Love."

"Could you repeat that one more time? Please?"

"I love you."

"That's what I thought you said."

"Yeah…"

"Once more, please?"

"I love you, Gabriella."

"Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome. I don't mind saying it, so it's really no trouble."

"Do you want me to say it back?"

"Not if you don't want to. That would be stupid. If you want to say it back, by all means, go ahead."

"I want to say it back, but I think it sounds too cheesy if I say it now. You know? Because you just said it and I did the stupid little '_I-Can't-Hear-You_' thing in which I made you repeat your confession of love several times. So if I say 'I love you too, Wildcat, it just sounds too rehearsed."

"So, uh, are you _ever_ going to say it? Or by telling you that I love you have I damned myself to a life of never knowing if you love me back?"

"I'll say it eventually."

"Cool."

"…"

"Is that a shooting–"

"I love you, Wildcat."

"Oh, thank God. That was a long wait."

"So, we're in love, huh?"

"I suppose so. Since, I love you and you love me."

"We-"

"If you start singing the Barney song… It won't end well."

"Okay then. How about we head home? It's getting dark."

"Princess, it's been dark for the past two hours."

"I know, but I really want to call Taylor and tell her that I love you, along with everyone else in my phonebook and on my buddy list, and I need to do it before they go to sleep."

"Are you honestly asking me to end our date early so you can go home and tell you friends that you love me? Why not just tell me?"

"I already told you, though."

"Honestly, I would love to hear it again."

"I love you, Wildcat. I love you way too much for it to be healthy."

"Ehh. Healthy is overrated."

* * *

**Author's Note: **So, it was a bit of fluffy drama. Someone pointed out to me that the Monty Python reference combined with the Snuggle Bunny was confusing. I considered removing it, but it would have taken too many of the parts I liked out of the dialogue. In case you have never see Monty Python and the Holy Grail (my father, sister, friends, and I find it hysterical; my mother, not so much), in one of the scenes, the main characters build a large wooden rabbit, a play on the building of a Trojan horse. As for the reference to Snuggle Bunny, she got the impression that it was a play on the Snuggle Bear from the Snuggle Fabric Softener commercial. It wasn't. It was just a random nickname. No relation to Fabric Softener at all, I promise. 

On another note, it would be really nice if you wrote a quick review. Some constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. These dialogue oneshots really help to get inside the characters' heads; you have to communicate their personalities by words alone, not using their actions. So if you have anything to say about the way the characters were written, I would appreciate it if you wrote a review.


	4. Lost Time

**Author's Note: **I think I have a serious problem. Every time I sit down at my desk to do work, whether it's at home or in study hall, I somehow come up with a dialogue. This is another Troy/Gabriella oneshot, and, I admit, they're slightly out of character. And that means that I didn't accomplish my goal of getting inside the characters' heads. But, I'm surprisingly okay with that. I'm going to let it slide, just this one. Or, maybe twice, considering how out of character Gabriella was in Rise and Shine. Anyway, here is Lost Time. 

* * *

**Lost Time**

"You are _so_ bad at this." 

"It's not my fault, though. My teacher sucks b-"

"Don't finish that sentence, please, as a personal favor to me." 

"Ooh. We're getting _personal,_ huh?"

"No. You're being a little weird. I am trying to teach you trigonometry." 

"And I really appreciate that. However, I cannot honestly say that the most entertaining thing I can think of doing with you involves trigonometry in any way." 

"You have no right to say that. If you had paid attention two years ago when this stuff was being reviewed, and you would just man up and ask me out on a date, _maybe_ you could do some of those entertaining things. But since you decided to daydream the first two years of your high school career away, and you won't just say, 'Yo, Gabriella, I'm taking you out on Friday,' you and I are _stuck here_ trying to understand Soh-Cah-Toa." 

"…"

"…"

"Soh is _what_ again?"

"Sine is the opposite over the hypotenuse." 

"Cah?"

"Cosine is the adjacent over the hypotenuse." 

"Toa?"

"Tangent is the opposite over the adjacent." 

"I'm never going to remember that…" 

"Troy… You _are _kidding, aren't you?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Soh. S. O. H. Sine. Opposite. Hypotenuse. The 'Soh' thing is an acronym. They're all acronyms. That's the whole point of the Soh-Cah-Toa thing, you know. It's supposed to help you remember them more easily." 

"Wait, I'm having a slow moment. What's an acronym, again?" 

"Think of scuba – self-contained-underwater-breathing-apparatus." 

"Scuba is an acronym?" 

"Yeah, you didn't know that?" 

"No! I thought it was a real word!" 

"I thought it was, too, but it's not. Taylor mentioned it to me a couple of weeks ago. I have no idea what we were talking about at the time…" 

"Oh. So does that mean that Toa…" 

"Yes. Toa stands for tangent, opposite, and adjacent." 

"You are _good_."

"I know. Now drop to your knees and bow." 

"I'm a monotheistic person. I can't do that. Sorry." 

"It was worth a shot, I guess. Hey, why is it that you pay attention in history but not math?"

"_You can't tutor me in history…_"

"What was that?"

"I…uh…said, are we almost done here?" 

"Troy, you've only done three of the problems. You are nowhere near being done." 

"So? My teacher will applaud me for the effort I put in." 

"There are twenty questions, Troy. You didn't even do half of them. You didn't even do _one-fifth_ of them." 

"It's still more than I would usually do for Mr. Watson."

"You are way too lazy to ever be my boyfriend." 

"…" 

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Here."

"…You finished all of them."

"Motivation is key, after all." 

"You're such a loser sometimes. Just man up and ask me out already. Then, you might not have to spend all of the time you have with me trying to learn trigonometry."

"If you already know that I want to ask you out, why do I have to actually ask you out?" 

"It's the thought that counts, Troy. I would like it if there was a _little_ romance in our relationship."

"You sound like a cheesy greeting card advertisement." 

"Wow, what a great opener, Troy. How were you planning on going from that to asking me out? I'm just a little curious. How _does _one move from insult to date proposal?" 

"Stop it! You're confusing me! My head is going to end up imploding before I get a chance to take you to the movies! Fuck!" 

"Will you _please _be quiet? My mom is right in the dining room." 

"Sorry. Would you want…?" 

"Would I want to what?" 

"Like, do you want to…?" 

"Do I want to what?" 

"What I mean is, will you…?"

"Will I what?"

"Will you…_uh._ Will you check my homework?" 

"…yeah."

"Thanks…"

"…" 

"…"

"How did you manage to get all of these wrong? All of these setups are fine, but the final computation is wrong." 

"I used the calculator…" 

"Let me see that." 

"…"

"Oh, there's the problem. It's set on radian instead of degree." 

"Oh."

"Here; it should work now." 

"Thank you." 

"…"

"…"

"So… This is kind of awkward now, isn't it?" 

"Only a _little _bit."

"Well…you did fine with the math."

"So I'm done?" 

"Yes."

"Cool."

"So, do you want to watch a movie or something? Or we could go down to Baskin-Robins, if you want."

"Let's do something a little more _entertaining_."

"Not until you man up and ask me out." 

"Will you _please _stop questioning my masculinity?" 

"I'm not questioning your masculinity. Everybody knows you're masculine. You only mention how manly you are every day…"

"You make it sound like I showboat it. I'm not a showboater. Some of the guys joke about tights and plays and musicals. I just like pointing out that I've got more muscle than all of them combined and I'll kick their scrawny asses if they happen to mention it again." 

"I'm simply pointing out that you're being a total wimp by not asking me out, when you _know _that I would most likely say yes." 

"Well I – wait…_most likely? _I thought it was definite!" 

"Troy, I'm not going to wait around _forever_… Obviously, if someone offers to take me out sometime, I'm not going to say no just because I'm waiting for you. And my aunts are coming to visit two weeks from Wednesday, so that weekend is no good." 

"You're not allowed to go out with other people! That's cheating on me!" 

"No, it is not! You haven't asked me out yet. So technically, I'm a free woman." 

"Liar; everyone knows you're practically my girlfriend." 

"The key word in that sentence is practically. I'm _not_ your girlfriend as of today. So maybe I'll call Ryan up and accept his offer to take me to dinner on Friday." 

"That's who you're going to make me jealous with? Sharpay's fruity brother? Wait, he asked you out to dinner? What the hell?" 

"He's no fruitier than you are, Troy."

"Ouch. That was a low blow, Gabriella, right below the belt." 

"Don't you dare call him fruity, Troy Bolton; he is a wonderful guy. I'm _lucky _that he would even consider taking me to dinner."

"Yeah… He's_ lucky_ I only found out _after_ school…" 

"Troy, don't you dare lay a _hand_ on him." 

"I wasn't going to, I swear!" 

"You're just jealous." 

"Of_ what_, exactly…?" 

"You're jealous of his body." 

"Yes. He's _incredibly _amazing and his hot body is all I ever dream of – are you picking up on the sarcasm_ at all? _Wait a minute…his body? Why are you thinking about Ryan Evans's body? If you're thinking about any guy's body, it should be _mine_."

"Ew. Troy." 

"Ew? What do you mean, 'Ew?' There should be no 'Ew' when you think about me and my body." 

"Actually, I was referring to the way you were talking about Ryan's body." 

"…" 

"What?"

"You're joking, right? You seriously didn't get the sarcasm in that sentence? All day, you've been on overload with sarcasm and now it's like, 'Sarcasm? What's that? I guess my boyfriend is gay.' I don't appreciate it!" 

"…" 

"It's evil! And unnecessary! And _evil!_ It's unnecessarily evil!"

"You're not my boyfriend." 

"Oh, for the love of–"

"I was _kidding!_"

"So I _am_ your boyfriend?" 

"Not yet; you still haven't asked." 

"Well, I wouldn't want to cause any conflict on your busy schedule. I mean, with all of those date offers, I'm sure you're booked full until July or August or something. And Ryan must have you scheduled pretty tightly, too, huh? All those dinner dates and shopping trips and Sex and the City marathons." 

"Excuse me?" 

"Oh… Are you two into Gossip Girl now? I'm sorry; I haven't been keeping up with all the latest." 

"As a matter of fact, I _do _enjoy the occasional Blair-Chuck conflict." 

"Oh my God! I, like, totally know, like, what you, like, mean!" 

"Stop that." 

"Is that how Ryan talks around you? Like he's one of your '_B-F-F's'_?"

"Troy, please stop it." 

"You know what? Why don't we pop in A Walk to Remember and you can hold me while I tear up and throw tissues all over your floor? Would that make you happy?" 

"Stop."

"I'm playing the Titanic card, baby, that's right. And we can even eat Rocky Road ice cream." 

"Cut it out." 

"Ooh, I got it! Let's watch Romeo and Juliet. The newer version." 

"It's not funny anymore, Troy." 

"Alright, I can see you're not in a Leo mood… What about a 'Noah and Allie Forever' mood? We can watch The Notebook and we'll throw popcorn at the screen together when Allie and Noah fight." 

"Stop being mean to me." 

"I'm not being mean to you." 

"You're being sarcastic and you're making fun of me and my girly ways." 

"You mean kind of like what you've been doing to me _all day_, only my manly ways?" 

"…"

"That's right. Reverse psychology. Thank you, Taylor." 

"…"

"Oh, come on. Don't start crying… Please don't cry…" 

"I am _not_ crying…"

"Oh, fuck, Gabriella… I wasn't trying to make you cry." 

"Stop cursing…"

"I'll stop cursing if you stop crying…" 

"That's…not…not fair. I'll get…get in…trouble if you don't…don't stop cursing." 

"And_ I'll_ get in trouble if your mom sees you crying and yelling at me. So I'll stop cursing and you stop crying and it'll be all good again." 

"No it won't. Nothing is _ever_ all good with you and me. We're never in the same spot at the same time. Someone's always ahead or behind. We never match up and I'm starting to think that we never will." 

"Hey, it's not that big of a deal. You just have to give me a minute to catch up. You know how slow I am." 

"…"

"Please stop crying…"

"Can you…hand me a…tissue, please?" 

"Yeah, yeah, sure, I got it." 

"Thank you." 

"No problem."

"…"

"You look pretty today. Even if your makeup is running and your eyes are kind of red and your cheeks are a little bit blotchy."

"Shut_ up_, Troy. I _don't_ like you." 

"You know you love me. If I dropped dead, you would be sad." 

"Of course I would be sad, you _moron_. You're my best friend!" 

"I would be sad if you died." 

"Well, thank you for your hypothetical sympathy…really." 

"You're welcome. Thank you for _your _hypothetical sympathy." 

"We have the _weirdest_ conversations."

"Really, I hadn't noticed." 

"Are you sure that you don't want to go to Baskin-Robins or anything? I'll even buy you a smoothie." 

"I can't let you do that. I cannot allow you to treat me. That's my job. I'm supposed to be the one buying you ice cream and all that stuff." 

"Well, then, why don't you take me to Baskin-Robins and buy me a cone of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream?" 

"I would." 

"But…?"

"I didn't exactly bring my wallet…"

"…"

"Stop laughing at me, Gabriella. It was an innocent mistake." 

"I'm not laughing at you, I swear." 

"You are." 

"Well, I'm trying to stop. I really am." 

"You know what? I'm just going to go home now before you burst a lung and end up dying because of how hysterical you find my lack of wallet to be."

"Do you want to come over again tomorrow? We can just hang out for a little while, or something. And I can probably get my mom to make a few brownies." 

"I guess so. I mean, how can I insult your mom by not having any of her brownies?"

"You can't, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow it is. I'll see you at…?"

"You can come over at, like, twelve, or something, if you want."

"Yeah, twelve is good." 

"Cool. So…tomorrow then." 

"Tomorrow."

"So, uh…bye, Gabriella." 

"See you tomorrow."

"…"

"…"

"Oi! Gabriella! Before I go… I'm taking you out to the movies on Saturday." 

"I can't say that I expected anything less after today." 

"You find joy in sucking the fun out of everything for me, don't you?"

"I do not." 

"Oh, yes you do."

"How could you say that to me? How can you ever suggest that I find joy in depressing you? What kind of person do you think I am? You had better buy me Milk Duds on Friday. After all you've put me through, I deserve Milk Duds." 

"Yeah, and I deserved a kiss the other day, but I didn't get one. Life sucks sometimes."

"Weren't you leaving, or something?" 

"Oh, now you're kicking me out, too?" 

"I'm not kicking you out! You said that you were going to leave before I burst a lung. You're the one who wanted to leave. I didn't want you to leave." 

"So then I'll stay." 

"Fine, you can stay." 

"Alright, I think I will."

"…" 

"…"

"Now what?"

"Alright, this is getting stupid. I am kissing you now before my brain actually melts in my skull our of frustration and then pours out of my ears and you get so disgusted that you never speak to me again." 

"That was-"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"-amazing."

"…"

"What?"

"Even when we're making out, you're still the biggest nerd I've ever met." 

"We were not making out, Troy. It was only one kiss."

"We could have been making out, you know. If you hadn't broken it off to tell me how it was. Obviously, if you continued to make out with me, I would have known how awesome it was. But no, you had to tell me how awesome it was, and now we're not making out any more." 

"Well, we could be if you would stop talking about how nerdy I am for breaking the kiss." 

"…Oh."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"It kills me that we could have been doing this for weeks." 

"If you would have just asked me out…" 

"I _know_! I _know_!"

"Well, now we get to make up for lost time, huh?" 

"You're my favorite girlfriend ever." 

"Thanks…I think."

"I meant it as a good thing." 

"It's the thought that counts, I suppose." 

"Let's just keep making up for lost time. It's better than me trying to string together a coherent sentence at the moment." 

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"_Gabriella Marie, what on Earth do you think you are doing?_"

"We probably should have waited until my mom wasn't eight feet away, huh?"

"Yeah, that definitely would have been a better idea."

* * *

**Author's Note:** It's the Social Studies homework. I'm so desperate to avoid it, that I resort to writing. And this is what comes out. Hopefully, it was alright, at least a bit entertaining. I wouldn't say that it's my favorite. Feedback would be appreciated! 


	5. Horrible Timing

**Horrible Timing**

"Where are we? Where are we going? There is _nothing_ around here. Nothing. Nada. Zilch."

"That's not true. See that sign over there? We're approximately a quarter of a mile away from the McAvery Inn."

"Yeah, well, we're still really far away from the bistro that you swore you were taking me to, aren't we?"

"Well, that's because we are now at the McAvery Inn."

"Why are we at the McAvery Inn? You said to bring a purse, not a condom."

"Well, it has been a few dates now, and you can't blame a guy for expecting a little… you know… something in return."

"Uh, yes, I can. And I will."

"…"

"Did you seriously think that after three dates I was just going to spread my legs for you at some cheap-ass motel out in the middle of nowhere? How do they even have plumbing and electricity?"

"How should I know? I'm not genius."

"I can see that_…_"

"Hey, if you wanted a genius, why didn't you just get some Decathlon nerd to take you out? Huh?"

"…"

"…"

"Just drive me home, you jackass. I am so freaking pissed at you right now."

"I know a really good method for releasing stress…"

"Did I not just say drive me home?

"Are you sure you don't want to just go inside."

"Drive. Now."

"…"

"…"

"I don't think I can do that."

"Excuse me? Why the hell _not_?"

"I didn't drive you all the way out here just to get nothing back, you know. Gas costs money."

"You know what? I will give you ten dollars to just drive away now and leave me here. Does that sound fair to you? It sounds fair to me."

"Only ten dollars? That's barely a quarter tank of gas."

"I could rip out your eyeballs and stuff them up your ass, if you would like. Then, I could cut off your balls with one of those really dull, flimsy, plastic knives and they can join your eyes."

"Ten is good."

"…"

"…"

"Shit."

"…"

"…"

"Hello, and welcome to the McAvery Inn. Do you have a reservation?"

"No, actually—"

"Would you like to make a reservation for a later date?"

"No. What—"

"Our next available night, other than tonight, is in two days. It's a single room. We're very popular this time of the year."

"That's great, but—"

"So, I'll put you down for Sunday evening, then?"

"No, I don't—"

"Is there a specific time that you're looking for? Because another night might be more suitable then…"

"No!"

"Oh, well then I don't see—"

"No, Freckles, you shut up and listen to me. I need to use your phone _immediately_ because my date was a major jerk-off and I cannot get service out here in this area of total and complete barren _wasteland_ and I'm fairly certain that your little Inn is the only remotely sanitized establishment for a least a mile and these shoes were _not_ meant to be hiked in, so you had best tell me where it is before I slice your throat open with my fingernails."

"…"

"…"

"It's over there."

"Thank you."

"…"

"Pick up… Come on, pick up…"

"…"

"…"

"Hello?"

"Look, the _only_ reason that I'm calling you is because you're probably the only person who wouldn't laugh in my face—uh, ear—and tell me that I deserved what I got because I'm a bitch and then hang up on me. And I only have you in my cell because I swore to my brother, whom I love, that I would stop being a bitch to you and attempt to be friendly. But I need… _assistance_ at the moment."

"Sharpay…?"

"Yeah, my date kind of ended up bringing me out into the middle of nowhere so that he could get it on with me at some cheap motel."

"Huh…?"

"I need assistance. And when I say that, I mean that if I don't get assistance soon, I will probably end up hog tied in some old man's trunk, because this motel is a lot dirtier than I originally thought and it's the perfect hangout for old men looking to get it on."

"What… are you… _ooh_… saying?"

"Why are you so out of breath? I'm _saying_ that I really need someone to come and pick me up from this place before I go insane and start walking home at nine o'clock at night down the highway with stilettos on, across miles of barren wasteland. Look, I know that you secretly think I'm a bitch and you cannot understand why you should help me, but you've got a heart somewhere in that body. You've got to have a pretty decent sized one, too, if it's keeping your freakishly large brain working. Please, Montez, I'm literally begging you. Get me out of this tiny dot of hell on Earth. And please, for the love of God, do it _quickly_ because I'm beginning to think that the people here don't appreciate my assessment of their establishment!"

"Now…?"

"Yes, now! Didn't you hear what I just said, Montez? I'm stuck in a toxic waste dump all alone with no cell service and my iPod is at home and my feet are killing me and I can't sit down because these cushions are so disgustingly horrifically stained. Now, based on the tiny business card that's on the desk, I'm somewhere near exit 33 and–"

"_Ngh…_"

"…What was that?"

"Now… _uhh_… really isn't the best… _mmm_… time, Sharpay…"

"Are you… _moaning_? Montez, did you just moan?"

"Who, me…? _Ngh_."

"Oh, good God, Montez. What are you _doing_?"

"I'm… _uhh_… just doing a little… studying. That's… _ooh_… all."

"What are you studying, Troy's anatomy?"

"…"

"Oh, my _God_! You picked up the phone during… _that_?!"

"We're not… _Stop it! She can tell!_"

"I can hear you, Montez!"

"I'm sorry! He's uncontrollable!"

"…"

"Oh, my God, that's embarrassing…"

"Montez, can you please come get me and never, ever, speak of this again?"

"_Stop it, Troy! You stay out there._"

"Hello…?"

"Sorry. I locked him out of the bathroom."

"You two were doing it in the bathroom?"

"No… I went into the bathroom just now to take your call."

"Oh. Can you come and get me now?"

"Can't I call your brother? This is… a horrible time for me right now."

"Like you can't have sex with Troy another time?"

"…"

"Montez! Gabriella, come on… I even said please!"

"He's not wearing a shirt, Sharpay! If I looked out the tiny hole in the doorknob right now, I would be able to see his chest—his _rock_ _hard_ _chest_. Have you looked at my boyfriend lately, Sharpay? And don't say you haven't because I _know_ that you have. He must be ten times hotter than he was when we first met. And I was feeling a little… _frustrated_ with him because he's so freaking conservative around me, and now he is finally being _the total opposite_, okay?"

"You are _not_ going to ditch me just to get it on with him, are you? You're not putting your own sexual frustration above the mortal peril of another human being are you?"

"Look, I'll call Ryan. He'll come and pick you up. Or he'll send your driver."

"Montez!"

"I'll call Ryan."

"_Montez._"

"I said that I'll— _How did you get in here?_"

"Montez?"

"_Give me—… phone back—… I'm serious—… mean it, Troy! I'm—… kidding, give—… back!" _

"Montez…? Are you still there? Montez?"

"She'll have to call you back later, Sharpay."

"Troy?"

"She's in the middle of something. _Tootles._"

"Don't you dare, Troy. I need—"

"…"

"—help. You'll die for that, Bolton."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Where the _hell_ is Ryan in this thing? Rachel… Raymond… Reggie… Rena… Rita… _Ryan_."

"…"

"I hate rotary phones…"

"…"

"…"

"Hello? Who is this?"

"I love you, Ryan."

"Shar…? Sharpay? Are you okay?"

"I need you to come and get me."

"Now isn't really a good time…"

"Oh, God, are you having kinky sex in a bathroom with your suddenly-hotter boyfriend, too? Please, Ryan, tell me you're not…"

"…"

"Ryan?"

"Am I having _kinky sex_ in a _bathroom_… with my _boyfriend_?"

"So you're not?"

"Uh, _no_."

"So can you please come and pick me up?"

"Are you okay? You sound… off."

"Everything sucks today. He drove me out into the middle of nowhere and then I fought with the hostess lady or whoever she is and then Gabriella wouldn't help me because she was horny and Troy hung up on me for her and—oh shit—I just broke my heel."

"Gabriella was _horny_? You're kidding."

"No. I'm not."

"…"

"Yeah, I know."

"Where are you?"

"The McAvery Inn."

"And where is that?"

"I have _no_ idea, _whatsoever._ All I know is that it's off exit 33. Somewhere."

"Shar, how am I supposed to come and get you if I don't know where you are? What's around you? Are there any outstanding landmarks or attractions or shopping centers?"

"No. It's just barren wasteland. There's _nothing_ around here, Ry. The lady at the desk keeps staring at me and I can totally imagine some old creepy man dragging me into a hotel room and having his way with me, and I really don't want to be raped in the McAvery Inn, Ryan. Please, please, come and get me."

"Shar, listen to me—"

"No, Ryan, I'm scared. I can't stay here all night and mother and daddy aren't even in the country and you can't find me and Gabriella is at home having sex and Troy's not at home and he's out being the thing that's sexing Gabriella and I'm _not_ about to call anyone else because they would either hang up on me or be too afraid to leave their house to come and save me."

"Shar, you're going to be fine. I promise that nothing is going to happen to you."

"You don't know that, Ryan. What if I end up dying out here and it becomes one of those great unsolved murder mysteries? I don't wanna be on 20/20, or 48 Hours, Ryan!"

"I'll know what happened. I'm talking to you right now."

"Ryan, what if you can't find me out here? What if you just keep driving and driving and driving, and you never find any motels? What if I end up stuck here for the rest of my life, working as a maid to earn money so that I can buy snack bags from the vending machine? I can't live off of vending machine food, Ryan! I'll get… _fat_. Ryan, please come get me!"

"…"

"…"

"_Sharpay, are you in here?_"

"Holy shit! Ryan, it's all good. I'll see you at home."

"Evans—"

"Bolton? Troy, what are you doing here? Where's Gabriella?"

"Evans, you had better be kissing my feet for the next several years. And when I say kissing my feet, I mean making my life wonderful. And when I say making my life wonderful, I mean never _ever_ again making my girlfriend feel guilty. And what I mean by making her feel guilty is that you should never yell at her for not picking you up from a random motel in the desert in the middle of the night, so that later, while I'm attempting to woo her in the middle of our time alone, she purposely _breaks_ the only condom that I have on me, and she actually forcibly puts my shirt back on my body."

"Trust me, Bolton, if you take off your shirt right here, Montez will jump you within moments. And you're in luck because we're in a motel."

"Do you want a ride or not, Evans?"

"Yes."

"Then march your ass out to the car and get in the backseat. And if you _ever_ contact my girlfriend again and she says that it isn't a good time, _it isn't a good time_."

"Well, forgive me for being a little scared, Troy. I didn't know who else to call and Gabriella seemed like the only one who wouldn't be a bitchass about it. You know, a bitchass, kind of like you're being right now?"

"I'm going to let you in on a little secret before we get back in the car, Evans. I'm _horny_ and I'm in _love_ and you _ruined it_. I finally got up enough nerve to put my hand on her—"

"STOP."

"—breast and you go and ask her to leave the house!"

"That's way too much information! That is too much information! La-la-la-la-la-la. I can't hear you!"

"Shut up, Evans. The least you can do, especially after dragging me away from Gabriella, is listen to my story about how close I was to finally unlatching the damn bra. Evans, do you even understand? She was moaning when she answered the phone. I got her to _moan_. The stuff I did actually caused moans to come out of her body. She moaned, Evans, really loud."

"I'm confused. Did she, perhaps, moan?"

"That is not funny."

"Where is Moaning Montez anyway?"

"She's waiting in the car. And I'm not done. Do you know how long I planned for tonight? Do you know how many stores and disguises I had to go through before I could finally buy condoms without running into someone I knew? Do you know how long both Gabriella and I have been waiting for her mother to go on a business trip? Do you even know how desperately I needed her to forget about you after I threw the cordless phone under her dresser?"

"Yeah, I get it, Troy. You're a horny virgin who really needs to get laid and your girlfriend's breasts are freakishly enticing to you and the fact that you can make her moan is amazing. Are you being modest, Bolton, or do you really suck that bad in bed? Oh wait, virgin, never mind."

"Ha, ha. See my face? That makes it clear that I find it funny, right? Funny, funny."

"…Troy?"

"What?"

"Can I give you a hug?"

"…Why?"

"Please?"

"…"

"Thanks for coming to get me. I was kind of starting to think that everyone was going to abandon me and that I was going to be stuck here until tomorrow when I would be forced to hitchhike home. Well, that or I'd be stuck here for the rest of my life, forced to clean stopped-up toilets until I'm old and now quite as wrinkly as all the other hideous old people hanging out around here."

"Gabriella wouldn't have let me abandon you. And I hope you're planning on giving her a hug _just_ like this because I can see her sitting in the car from here and she is giving you a rather deadly glare, and quite honestly I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that, especially when she finds out that my dad confiscated all my condoms except for the one that she broke earlier."

"I don't think she'll want me to hug her. Especially not then."

"Well, then maybe you should just let go of me…"

"…"

"…now!"

"Oh, right… Sorry."

"Let's just go to the car before Gabriella decides to throw you out halfway home. She agreed to save you from horny old men, but she never agreed to let you have a go at her horny boyfriend."

"Hey, wait, one second. At least let me give you something as a thank you. You can share it with Gabriella a little later. When I say later, by the way, I mean a while after I've been dropped off at my house and am no longer capable of hearing what you're doing."

"Three Trojans… Evans, for someone with horrible timing, you sure know how to make up for it."

"Remember what I said. When I am no longer able to hear what you two are doing."

-

-

**Author's Note:** Alright. I found this document in my Microsoft Word folder, and I said to myself, "Hey, what the heck is Horrible Timing?" So, I opened it, gasped, and said, "Ooh! Totally forgot about this." I also abandoned hope that these would assist me in my 'delving into the mind of the character' idea unless I really sat down and forced myself to write something extremely meaningful. Seeing as _My Guys_ is really the story that I want to focus on, and it's basically an AU story, getting into the characters' mindsets isn't really as important to me right now. So this is just an all dialogue one-shot. OH. And I also **changed the name of the story**: _Gorgonzola_ was was okay when it was just that first one-shot about Chad and Taylor, but I thought it needed a change as the collection grew. It is now **_Talk is Anything but Cheap_**.

On another note, it's been, like, five days or so since I posted the chapter of _My Guys_ and I'm uuber proud of myself for having approximately half of the next chapter written out. I'm back in the flow. Booyah. :)

Reviews are lovely!


End file.
